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I NEED my GPS. Like, my sense of direction, it just doesn’t work. At all. Needless to say, I love my GPS. She has a lovely female voice with a British accent. She’s very calming. And, well, she’s a she. I have to be honest and say that I don’t want a guy telling me what to do, especially when I’m driving. I imagine by the same token that men don’t really want women telling them what to do while they’re driving either – in fact, I have it on pretty good authority that they definitely don’t. But get them the Sat Nag anyway, because I think it’s funny.

One for the boys, who will think The Sat Nag is the greatest in-car invention since the Sat Nav. Actually no, it’s better than a Sat Nav, and even if it’s guaranteed to get you nowhere fast, it’s one of those jokes that just keeps on giving. Press the button on the front and a very well-recorded, patronising woman’s voice will come out with one of a host of hysterical Sat Nav-type commands. With such crackers as: "I know you’re a man, but it’s been 35 minutes now, so can you please admit you’re lost and ask someone the way"; and "In 100 metres turn left. No right, err, no left. Sorry, I never can tell my left from my right", as well as "In 50 meters I’m going to put on my most annoying voice and say ‘Is your short cut really faster when we get stuck in traffic like this, well, is it darling?" and "In 100 meters I’m going to talk to you in that special voice, which should let you know you’ve upset me in some way that is bound to be your fault".


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